Why "NO" in Most Children?

As a mom, our heart is filled with all those sweet unforgettable memories, looking at our child growing up, moving from one milestone to another, every "firsts" - first head lift, first gurgle and coo, first smile and laugh, first grab, first roll, first sit up, first crawl, first stand, first words, first steps, first teething, first scribble, and the list goes on, seems so fresh in our mind. 

 However, we are often unaware or unprepared to welcome a toddler who is entering a more complex stage. Why is that our little sweet pie turns into a stubborn head just a night time? Trouble two's or terrible two's with all the negativism? He or she is negative about most thing and often say "NO". You may find your toddler having frequent mood changes and temper tantrums. A negative, stubborn toddler does affect our mood, even leave us at our wits end. By further understand our toddler, perhaps is our first window to a bright sunny day. The facts behind this negative, stubborn ages:

1. Pediatrics said negativism is a NORMAL stage of our child's development. Most children go through this between 18 months and 3 years old. My mentor in MOPS told me that 3 years old is the peak (Oh, I can see that in my 3 years old).

2. Our child begins to aware of himself as a individual, separate from others, particular you, Mom. He is developing autonomy (power) to refuse someone's request. He will respond negatively to requests, including the pleasant ones.


3. Our child isn't trying to be rebellious on purpose or going against you as his parent. He is trying to tell you that he is growing up and he wants independence. He might refuse to get dress or take off clothes, take a bath or get out of bath tub, go to bed or get up from bed, etc.

4. Our child at this age doesn't have sufficient language skills to easily express his needs. He is also starting to become more aware of his emotions (anger, hurt, fear and jealousy). They are real, powerful and therefore hard to control. But, he has not yet learnt to name the emotions. Help them, not denying them.

5. As our child exercising his power, he comes across barriers. He might not physically capable in certain thing, or he might not allowed to do it. He can't always control the world. He doesn't get a decision made. These cause him frightened, frustrated and angry.


Parents, some refers this stage as our child's "first adolescence", which in some parallels to the teenage years. Power struggles, rebellious, self-centered, manipulation and annoyance are the common visible characteristics. You'll see your child boss you around, taking control to order his little world in his ways. My coming post shares some suggestions to deal with a negative, stubborn toddler.