It is good to provide some guidelines for children discipline before we look into each of the discipline approaches. Improper discipline can put our children at risk for a variety of behavioral and emotional problems in life.
Check on the list your have prepared based on the misbehavior to be corrected. Verify and write down some rules for your family. The rules you set very much influenced by your family's value, belief and culture. However, rules must be fair and attainable according to your child's age. I do encourage parents of all backgrounds to study and understand your children at their age. Some of their 'misbehavior' is part of their growth.
Examples of punishment to be avoided when a child is:
- clumsy when he is learning to walk
- poor pronunciation when he is learning to speak
- normal emotional development like thumb-sucking, separation anxiety, toilet training accidents, etc.
So, verify each rule and please make sure that your child understand them. Perhaps you can ask him to tell you back the rules in their words before any rule enforcement.
Suggestion to family who is new with discipline program - focus on two or three rules initially. Set your priority to safety issue, such as running into the street and action that can harm others.
One golden rule in discipline children of all ages is be consistent in your discipline. If possible, post the rules in a conspicuous place in the home. When you carry out discipline, do not give yourself in after your child argues, fight back or begin to cry. This only encourages misbehave in future. Instead, parents should be calm when disciplining your children. Our children have bright shinny eyes and they learn from our reaction during discipline.
Cyndi Goldfarb, the Love and Logic Facilitator reminded that yelling at children do no good for both parents and children. Parents, practice to breath out your temper and please make known that your children need a calm mind to reflect on what they have done and a chance to learn the right way to behave. Screaming and yelling at children misbehavior can build up resentment in them rather than helping them to understand and admit their misbehavior.
On the contrary, explain to your child why the behavior is unacceptable. At the same time, let your child knows what is your expectation in such condition. For example, “read some books when Mommy is on the telephone”, instead of “don't make noise when I am on the phone”. Remember to thank him for being quiet when you are in your phone.
The following three guidelines are very important. Accept your child back to your embrace when the punishment is over, assure him that you have forgiven his misbehavior and you still love him no matter what. Let your child knows that you dislike his behavior not he as a person.
Besides, always more positive enforcement than criticism. A good rule of thumb is two positive reinforcements for every criticism. To any relationship on earth, a stronger relationship is more open to criticism. I will not encourage frequent or serious discipline by parents who do not do their parts as parents. Parents should show your love in action, such as spending time with them, listening to their voice and accepting them as just they are.
Your child's self-esteem is more important than how well disciplined he or she is. Never label your child a "bad boy", "stupid boy", "terrible boy" etc. Parents should not discuss your child's discipline problems and your concerns about him when he is around.
Note: All writings in Parenting of this blog are gender-free. "he/him"also refers to "she/her".
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